Miss Lilly Day’s Story

1. What is your name?

Miss Lilly Day

2. How old were you in when you first experienced bullying?

7 years old

3. What did the bully say or do/what were your bullied for?

I was often made fun of for my Thick “Coke Bottle” glasses. Four eyes was something I heard way to often.


4. Was the bully a boy or a girl? What grade was he or she in? How were you different from your bullies?

Sadly enough it was both, Boys and Girls. I stood out often because I was always the “New” girl, as my father was in the Air Force so we moved often and because I loved to read and always had my nose buried in a book, I became the Nerd on top of being a Nerd on top of being “Four eyes”.


5. How did it make you feel, how hard was it on you during the times you were bullied?

I felt alone, Honestly, Felt like some kind of freak. I stopped reading as much as I did and only read when it was for school, when that didn’t help, I started to stop wearing my glasses, claiming that I got contacts, at that age I couldn’t get contacts until I was 13. But by not wearing my glasses, I only set myself up for more mean words. I have a lazy eye in my left eye(means my eye turns in, basically making me look cross eyed in one eye.) So I got a lot of kids asking me “Which way I was looking” even though I was looking at them straight on. Kids would stick their fingers in my face and ask if I could see them, they would switch out things in my desk to see if I noticed and often stick gum, sticks, or trash in my lunch, just to see if I would see if first before I ate my food. I saw it. My eyesight was bad, but I wasn’t blind.

6. How did you respond? Did you ever let anyone know?

Sadly, I didn’t say anything back to those who teased me, I spent the days with my head down. I did in fact tell a teacher one Time. I was told that I should stand up for myself and stop causing the problems myself by giving into their words. Needless to say, I never told another soul.

7. Where would the bullying take place? In the classroom, cafeteria, gym, playground, hallway, bathroom, home?

All of the above!

8. Were there any teachers around at the time? Did they see, respond or help? What can schools do to prevent bullying?

When I was in school, Teachers were not as alert as some are now. I do think that there are more alert Teachers now then there was when I was in school, but there are still more that are just there to teach what is necessary to get the pay check, sadly. I believe that as there is rules for bullying, I just don’t believe enough take it seriously. Enforcing the rules and always never second guessing any child who speaks out or even just not questioning anything that may look suspicious! Take it seriously, if your wrong, your wrong, but what if your right? You could be the one who just help save a child from ever feeling less than Wonderful!

9. How long did the bullying continue for?

Oh my! It lasted up until I was in High School! When I reached my last year in middle school I was fitted for braces. So yeah, Coke bottle glasses AND Braces….

10. What was the worst act of cruelty your bullies ever did to you and what was going through your mind as it was happening?

The worst I got was when I was in Middle school, My 8th grade year. It was the second week of school and I had just been fitted with braces on my top teeth. Long story short, I was in the girls bathroom during lunch, when a group of “The Popular” girls came in and spotted me. 1 of them had a couple of Oreo’s in their hand. 2 of the girls grabbed my arms while the one with the Oreo’s proceeded to smear the Oreo cream filling all over my glasses, another smeared Red lipstick on my face. I was told I get what I deserve, Apparently there was a rumor going around that I tried to kiss one of the girls boyfriends with my “Metal mouth”, Before letting me go they spun me, So of course I tried to walk and I ended up slamming into the corner of a bathroom stale, Breaking my glasses and causing me to get a pretty good size gash just under my left eye. I gathered up what was left of my glasses and went to the nurse, I told her I fell. I was to scared if I told, They would come back and the next time would be worse.

11. Did your parents know? What advice can you give to parents today who face the same problem with their kids?

I told my Mom. Who then went to the school to speak with the Principle. The 4 girls involved got in a heaps of trouble, but it didn’t help my situation much as rumors flew and I got labeled the snitch, But being bullied, Well that did come to halt for awhile. As for advice for any parents, Listen to your children, Pay attention to any changes, like suddenly not wanting to go to school(more than usual, LOL). Take them seriously! Use your voice and help you and your kiddos to stand up against the bullying! Speak with the school, Speak with the school board if the school itself won’t take charge, Contact the local paper if the school board won’t take charge! Help your child know you have their back! Help the Schools see you have your child’s back and you will do what is needed to stop the bullying!

12. Has the bully ever apologized/or did you ever reach out for an explanation when you got older? Do you think bullies realize how much damage they do? Have you seen them since?

I never did get to see them again once I moved out of the state. I honestly believe they don’t know what they are doing to the person they bully, I do believe that they to at some point were bullied and that’s why they do it themselves, Revenge so to speak.

13. How did bullying affect your personality and how do you think it affected you long term in your life?

Bullying made my self esteem super low, I for the longest time held my head low. Kept to myself a lot. I still do this day have a low self esteem, but not as bad .


14. What advice would you give to someone experiencing bullying? STAND up for yourself, tell someone until your find someone who will listen. Be the better person and walk away. Being a snitch in this case is better than being the victim! 

15. In the end, how do you think surviving bullying helped you become who you are today?

All the things that have been said and done to me in my past by bullying has made me a stronger person! It has made me a fighter, someone who fights to achieve my goals, to better myself and others, And a better Mother to my Boys, Cause now I can say to them, I know what its like to be bullied, And I know what you can do to prevent it and how you can help others!

https://www.facebook.com/misslillyday

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Stay tuned her story will be shared shortly….

Stay tuned her story will be shared shortly….

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Natasha Koel’s Story

1. What is your name?
My name is Natasha Koel


2. How old were you in when you first experienced bullying?
Six Years Old


3. What did the bully say or do/what were your bullied for?
They kept making comments about how short I was and for some extra cartilage on my left ear that points out. I was called Elf a lot.


4. Was the bully a boy or a girl? What grade was he or she in? How were you different from your bullies?
Not only was my first bully a girl, she was a grown adult. My First Bully was my first grade teacher. I was a grade maker and my bullies weren’t and when I got older my smarts was not the issue. I was just weird. I was the class Freak that did AFJROTC and I could just never fit in except with very few people.


5. How did it make you feel, how hard was it on you during the times you were bullied?
In my early years I was dealing with a lot of emotional baggage at home. My mom at one point was telling me that she was dying from Breast Cancer. My father was in Prison and I just come to terms as to why and realizing it. I had to move from Northern California to Texas because I was homeless with my family in California and I couldn’t make friends for the life of me. The first time I even made a friend was when I was 11. 11 years old! I felt like dirt and I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone because from the looks of it, I was the only one being bullied. I had no one to connect with for the longest time.


6. How did you respond? Did you ever let anyone know?
I cried A LOT! And was made fun of for that, because I didn’t know how to handle a lot of the bullying at first. I tried to tell my school counselor when I was in 6th grade, about an incident that had just happened where three girls pinned me up against the wall in gym class and degraded me and let other people come in and watch me be degraded because I tried to stand up for myself for the first time. And the counselor told me it was my fault and that I deserved it. After that I didn’t know how I could tell anyone for a very long time. 
When I grew up a few years and had some time away from bullying for six months, I gained a lot of strength to just not cry and just take it. When I got into high school a lot of it was emotional and mental. And I still had my trust issues with school counselors, because I felt like they didn’t care to hear what I was going through, so I made myself busy. And then I had a huge incident in my life happen when I was 16 years old that had me cutting my hips because I didn’t want people seeing it because it was no one’s business to know I was in pain. I tried to kill myself twice in a month’s time from overdose on pills. But instead got really really sick and lost 20 lbs that took a year to get back. And no one realized that something was wrong. 
I didn’t understand how people could have been so oblivious. But after that, I decided that I couldn’t let myself be a victim anymore and when I did that, the bullying decreased by a lot. I finally had confidence in myself to just keep moving forward.


7. Where would the bullying take place? In the classroom, cafeteria, gym, playground, hallway, bathroom, home?
Most of the times in Gym. That was really famous for me to get bullied because the adults weren’t really watching. And if I cried I wasn’t “tough enough” for the activities. When they didn’t realize that me “falling down” was me getting pushed into the ground by the other girls. Then in High school the cafeteria was the new place for me to get bullied.


8. Were there any teachers around at the time? Did they see, respond or help? What can schools do to prevent bullying?
Not for the early years really. Maybe a couple of times. I remember in Sixth grade (11 years old), I had to watch the sex ed video about periods, and I was one of 2-3 girls who hadn’t started theirs yet (didn’t for two years after that), and was made fun of because I wasn’t developed (which took 4 years for that to really kick in), and they made it a point when the guys were around that I didn’t have boobs so why should they be interested in me.
In high school, when I was 16 (and here is where the attempted suicide comes in) I was dating this ass of a guy who treated me like dirt. But I kept him around because I didn’t want him hurting any other girl because that was what he was wanting to do and I could tell. I remember this one specific time that he pushed me into a locker to have a “talking” with me and a teacher watched it. Didn’t try and help me. 
I don’t think there is any way to prevent bullying to be honest. It’s going to happen but I think there needs to be something to help people cope with being bullied and help bullies get through their personal issues. I could have really used some guide like “10 Super Amazing Ways to Cope With a Bully”, or some cheesy black-n-white film with a guy in a cardigan or a suit to tell me. Maybe even at the end of the video have a kid say “Geez Mister, I can deal with the bullies now!” Give a thumbs up and the narrator says “Now run along Billy, you have school work to catch up with.” Or something. 

9. How long did the bullying continue for?
I’m 22 and it still happens. I work at a store that people come in and make fun of what I wear because it’s not their style. I’ve been made fun of for being too skinny. Actually the phrase that was indirectly “directly” said to me was “Skinny girls are F***ing disgusting”. At my own job!!

10. What was the worst act of cruelty your bullies ever did to you and what was going through your mind as it was happening?
Right after I had that incident with the teacher, my ex kneed me (in the crotch) in front of a bunch strangers during lunch. I dropped to the ground and they all laughed at me. This was all at the school, outside and no one helped me. Not one. And that was when I told myself that no one gave a damn about me.

11. Did your parents know? What advice can you give to parents today who face the same problem with their kids?
Oh no they did not know for a while. It took courage for me to tell my mom because I was scared she was going to be disappointed in me. And there’s nothing worst than disappointing your mom. 
Advice: Encourage your kids to speak to you. Don’t force them, they will be ready to talk when they are ready. If you push them, then they might keep it inside and might be scared to talk about it. You just have to let them know that you will be there when they need to talk about it.


12. Has the bully ever apologized/or did you ever reach out for an explanation when you got older? Do you think bullies realize how much damage they do? Have you seen them since?
Not one. None of them think they did anything wrong. Not one gave me any help to let me know why I was bullied. I think a lot of them do realize, but I think it takes some deep down inner search thing to realize what they had done. Of course I’ve seen my bullies since. They don’t ever come up and talk to me. Now they just avoid me like the plague. One I worked with for two weeks and she didn’t remember me. She was one of the girls that pushed me up in the wall in the bathroom years before and she couldn’t remember me or wouldn’t acknowledge that we even knew each other. 


13. How did bullying affect your personality and how do you think it affected you long term in your life?
At first I thought it was a huge curse after already have issues at home, then to have it happen at school just sucked. After my ex left I went through this emotionless stage for over a year to protect myself from being hurt again. But in the long term, I’m stronger. I’m emotionally and mentally stronger. 


14. What advice would you give to someone experiencing bullying? 
Talk about it or cry. Both help. I always tell people if they needed someone to talk to that isn’t going to spread their business that I was a good candidate and I’ve helped a lot people with that. Don’t hurt yourself please. And maybe get a gym membership and just punch out the pain or run it off. Take it out on the bag!


15. In the end, how do you think surviving bullying helped you become who you are today?
If I was never bullied, I would never be who I am today. I’m funny, I make people smile. I don’t think I would be as strong as I am mentally, and dealing with personal issues would have been so much harder. I survived being bullied, I can do anything.  I wouldn’t have started my Page called Brutal Bitches/Brotherhood on Facebook that promotes that Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and brutality. To promote that everyone is beautiful/handsome and to not give in to what society tells us is pretty. Because people are damaging themselves to be this image of “perfect” when they are fine the way they are. To help more people realize that they are perfect with who they are and to stop Bullying. Because I was bullied over my appearance and had teachers tell me “Well if you just change then you wouldn’t be bullied.” And to give Kudos to good people who do good things because good people are not getting the credit that they deserve.

https://www.facebook.com/brutalityishere

On that note I want to give credit to a someone and I don’t know if they will ever read this but I want to show that even though I had a terrible run in with teachers, there was one that changed my life. 

My senior English Teacher named Mr. Jamison helped me realize that everyone is perfect. We are the perfect us. No one else could be a better you than you. He loved the way I dressed. He found it interesting because my style was not like others. He taught me so much. And if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have broken the spell off of my emotionaless stage. He was the reason why I became human again and learned to be strong. So Mr. Jamison, if for some reason you so happen to get this, you are an amazing person in my life and you have no idea how much you saved me. Thank you so much.

 

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BULLYING FACT: Bullying causes some students to turn to self harm, cutting themselves, for example. Thirty percent of child suicides can be directly related to bullying.
BOMBSHELL FACT: SHE WAS A VICTIM
Stay tuned to hear her story…

BULLYING FACT: Bullying causes some students to turn to self harm, cutting themselves, for example. Thirty percent of child suicides can be directly related to bullying.

BOMBSHELL FACT: SHE WAS A VICTIM

Stay tuned to hear her story…

3 notes

B. Sinclair’s Story

Hey everyone out there. I am B. Sinclair, Founder of Bombshells Against Bullying & the BaB Movement.

I previously shared my childhood experiences, so it only feels right to now share my teenage ones…..

The friends I had in middle school went on to be cheerleaders & the popular crowd, at first I was there but once I started hanging with the skateboarders & stoners I became the outcast. I was made fun for my mismatched makeup, my clothes & told I was dirty & needed to shower, although I showered daily of course. I was poor, single mom 3 kids with no support & at the time I lived in an apartment where I slept on a futon in the living room while peers of mine came from a lot better means than myself. My mother couldn’t afford the best clothes, shoes or makeup for me. I’d shop at thrift stores as a way of buying cheaper clothing and I had a very unique style but others used it as a way of pointing out that I came from a lower class family.

I really became a loner once my older group of friends graduated & a lot of my friends really never showed up for school so it left me alone. Which made things even worse. I would stay in art class to eat my lunch to avoid seeing anyone who would make fun of me not having friends to hangout with. I hung out with mostly guys who were out of high school but never had a boyfriend so therefore was called a lesbian or a slut, go figure.

It was mostly all girls at this age, ones I considered friends at one point. But a few guys too, mostly ones wanting to impress other popular peers to look “cool”.

By the end of my sophomore year it was BAD, I learned about mono so I faked having it just so I would have to go to school. It at least got me a few weeks away. I also begged my principal to allow to go to a continuation school although I wasn’t down enough credits so I could escape. Luckily he understood and allowed it.

Besides doing what I could to try and escape, I also became a fighter, I hid behind the tough tomboy image, although would cry at home. The one time I confronted a girl for talking shit “meet me behind the school” she came, with friends, just to point & laugh at me….it hurt me worse than a broken nose.

I left traditional HS sophomore year for continuation school & graduated a year early w/a biology award (yes I’ll toot my own science geek horn!) so bullying HS stopped once I left the normal school.

When I left everyone knew I was leaving the school, some of the popular group got my yearbook & wrote some of the cruelest shit ever in it. Documentation of how much they hated me…how dirty I was…how gross I was…how my life will always be slum…how worthless I was. Reading it was the worst feeling ever.

 I see some of the girls out and about sometimes, they have no clue….some are FB friends of mine & maybe they are reading this now and for the first time are realizing their long lasting effects they made by their words and actions.

Most bullies have NO CLUE. But need to. Being told such horrible things about yourself you begin to believe them. Repairing myself has taken a longtime, I’m still working on it.

I never have talked about any of this until I started BaB. But, opening up about them has given me strength to stand up for others that haven’t found their voice yet. To show that things get better, that all those people ARE WRONG. They don’t determine your future. YOU DO.

I have completely turned the way I view my own & others lives. I see the beauty in all now, I exude positivity because regardless how other made me feel in the past they didn’t break me. I’m stronger than I thought I was.

And this gross, needing to “shower”, mismatched makeup thrift shop clothes wearing, plain Jane dumpy tomboy with braces & acne IS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, ALWAYS HAVE ALWAYS WILL. No one can take that away from me. What others think, is their shit! I know who I am, I know my talents, I know my heart, I KNOW ME. 

The best advice I can give are written so beautifully by Shane Koyczan…

"And if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself,

GET A BETTER MIRROR

LOOK A LITTLE CLOSER

STARE A LITTLE LONGER

Because there’s something inside you,

that made you keep trying.

Despite everyone who told you to quit.

You built a cast around your broken heart,

and you signed it yourself.

You signed it,

THEY WERE WRONG.”

 

www.facebook.com/lovebsinclair

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BULLYING FACT: Approximately 160,000 teens skip school everyday to avoid being bullied.
BOMBSHELL FACT: I WAS ONE OF THEM.
Stay tuned, I will be reveling more of my own personal experiences with bullying…

BULLYING FACT: Approximately 160,000 teens skip school everyday to avoid being bullied.

BOMBSHELL FACT: I WAS ONE OF THEM.

Stay tuned, I will be reveling more of my own personal experiences with bullying…

5 notes

Venus de Meow’s Story

THOUGHTS

“I’m not a victim.”

“I don’t want to be a victim.”

“Being a victim gives them all the power.”

“I’m sick of everyone playing the victim card and not taking responsibility for their own lives and actions.”

All of these words run thru my mind as I write this post. They make me not want to write it, but I know I have to. This won’t go away. It is always with me. One that I can’t shake no matter what I do. One that keeps presenting itself in my life everyday, even today. There’s no escaping it. I see it every time I look in the mirror.

As I looked for a “before” picture for this post, I found pictures of a very happy baby and toddler, then a very pained young person and adult. I got angrier and angrier and wanted to say both, “How could you do this to such a happy girl?” and (to myself) “How could you let them do this to you?”. If only it were that easy.

Something else struck me. I’ve always been told that when I was little I would wake up smiling. It’s hard to imagine because as long as I can remember I have woken up sad - for no reason. Some mornings I am paralyzed and can hardly move. Some mornings it’s all I can do to even get out of bed. I have always just chalked it up to a touch of depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, maybe just not being a morning person, but more recently I’ve begun to wonder… What if this all goes back to not wanting to go to school, to being afraid of what would happen that day? Is that why I am absolutely terrified of mornings?

THE BULLYING

I was always the brain when I was growing up. I was somewhat of a piano prodigy, having started taking piano when I was 2 years old. In elementary school, I never had homework because I did it while I was at school. I always got A’s except for one B - in fact, I remember being laughed at because I was grounded for a B. There was even a time when Mom came to school to find me out in the hall tutoring other classmates. 

I was far from the beauty. I was a very awkward, short, mousy girl – very small for my age and very much the ugly duckling. I had glasses, but wouldn’t wear them because people made fun of me when I did. This, of course, resulted in me squinting most of the time and not being able to see the board. I would also mistake people for others at times.

As long as I can remember, people were making fun. It started out with relatively harmless “nerd” and “ugly” stuff (which, by the way has no reason to be called “harmless” except by comparison), but everything escalated after 5th grade. Today there is a little bit more of a spotlight on bullying because of school shootings. Back then, it was just as prevalent – if not more so -, but not much was done about it.

I guess some amount of bullying and teasing is to be expected with growing up. That’s not the type of bullying I’m talking about. I’m talking about the type when an entire class or group joins together. I’m talking about the type that completely tears a person down, inside and out - the type NO ONE should ever have to face and the type that someone MUST do something about.

Let me give you some examples. These are far from all of them, but will give you an idea of what I’m talking about. I will limit myself to 4 in the interest of the length of this post, but there are far more of them.

1. When I was about to enter the 6th grade, my parents decided we should move to a really small town. We began school at a private school that only had one class for each grade. Before long, it started. I was the butt of pranks, called names, set up on false “dates” – you name it. I even remember a boy who said he really wanted to “date” me – whatever that means in 6th grade -, but he was embarrassed to be seen with me. He said he really liked me and would be my boyfriend in secret, but no one could know. He had another girlfriend that was his “public” girlfriend. I’m embarrassed and heartbroken to say I consented. I was just grateful to have one “friend”.

I went home from school every day and went straight to my bedroom to crawl into bed and cry. I was miserable. I started to believe everything that I was being told and called. When you hear it enough times, it becomes true. On top of that, the kids started encouraging, even daring, me to commit suicide. The teachers heard it and did nothing. The only thing ever said/done about it was when the school counselor shrugged her shoulders and told me it was to be expected with kids our age. 

When Mom and Dad decided enough was enough and moved us back home (largely, I suspect, because of the bullying), the kids in my class had a celebration. By then, it was the entire class against me. They would come up to me and ask me if I was coming back next year. When I said “no”, they would jump up and down and yell “Yes!”, and the whole class would scream and clap. The teacher just sat there silent, watching the whole thing.

2. That summer I went to camp. My best friend from my old school was there and told all of the girls in the cabin (a good 30+ group) what had happened to me at my new school. At first they were sympathetic. Then it started again. I don’t want to go into everything that was said and done, but it resulted in me begging my parents to pick me up early from camp and the camp counselors and staff having to have a meeting with the entire cabin telling them to leave me alone. At least they did something, but it was too little too late. Once again, there were many adults and authority figures who witnessed this and did absolutely nothing.

3. After a year home in my old school, where everything had changed of course, the folks decided my brother and I should attend private school. What an adjustment it was! It was a new beginning - a chance to make new friends and start over. I went directly into honors algebra having never taken pre-algebra. I worked my behind off to get a C, when I had always received A’s in public school. For the first time in my life, I had homework - hours of it. 

However, some things didn’t change. The bullying continued, although it did abate a bit. It was certainly more manageable than having the entire class in on it. However, the worst part was that two teachers got in on the act – two teachers in the arts. That’s right – the arts, my world. For those of you who don’t know, I am a professional actress and singer. These were two people who, of all people, should have been encouraging me.

One of these teachers liked to make fun of me in front of the whole class. I remember one time when this person made fun of how I did my hair, and everyone laughed. After that, everyone made fun of my hair. I remember looking over at my brother, who was in the same performing group, and seeing him both seethe and look helpless. There was nothing he could do either. That was one of the worst parts.

The other teacher (again, in the arts) made me cry practically every day and told me I had no talent and I’d never amount to anything. Again, this was in front of EVERYONE, including a lot of parents, and nothing was done. The teacher in question took great delight in doing it, too.

During this time, there were more “Why don’t you just kill yourself? You’re not worth it” remarks. And once again, I started to believe it.

4. Most recently, I was bullied by an adult female who told me and others that because of my job in a theatre (which I founded and ran by the way) that I should not be able to go out locally. I should only be able to drive an hour away where people don’t know me. 

I was also told by this person that because I am a busty person I should wear high necklines and turtlenecks at all times because it distracts men. Since when did we, as women, become responsible for protecting men from their own thoughts?! 

THE EFFECTS

As I stated earlier, when you’re told something enough, you start to believe it. I never liked what I saw in the mirror. I still focus on every line and fault in my appearance when I look at my reflection. I catch myself tearing myself down, and as much as I try to stop it, it’s just second nature at this point.

While I always loved to learn, I stopped caring about grades and classes midway thru high school. I’ve only recently rekindled that in myself.

I started having - and still have - health issues. Mental issues truly do manifest themselves physically, and I didn’t take good care of myself because I didn’t care or see the point.

I go back and forth between not standing up for myself enough and taking things the wrong way. Seems it’s always the extremes.

I stayed away from family functions because I always felt I had to act like everything was okay, when it was in fact FAR from okay. I didn’t know which was worse - to be myself and bring everyone down or to pretend I was happy. I didn’t want to cause anyone else any pain or concern, but pretending was absolutely exhausting, mentally and physically.

I hated having my picture taken because I thought I was ugly and didn’t want that pain I was feeling immortalized. As much as I tried to hide it, it was always there. It still is. I see pictures of me from school or family events where I should be happy, but at best I have a forced smile. Much of the time I’m just too exhausted and in pain to even try to smile. As much as I love doing pinup work, I am still learning to like having my picture taken. I still hate looking at pictures of myself because there are some where, even to this day, I can still see that deep hurt coming thru.

I used to be a religious person, now I’m not. To be honest, I feel a little cheated by the old Golden Rule and “If you’re a good person, good things will come to you” stuff. I was always a good person, turned the other cheek, was nice, etc. There’s also the “Why would god put me thru this?” factor. 

There’s only so much pain a person can bear. I don’t want to go into details, but there was rape and there were suicide attempts. With the rape, I actually thought I deserved it. I put my family thru pure hell, and I feel extremely guilty about that. It’s the only pain that’s greater than the memories. It’s heartbreaking when you look on a shelf, see something pretty, and think, “That’s the Valentine’s Day gift my parents gave me the day they almost lost me. That’s the morning I pretended to be asleep when my father was sitting next to my bed, stroking my hair and crying. And all of this was on my mother’s birthday. How could I do that to them?” It’s a tremendous amount of guilt and self anger to carry.

I’ve been extremely unsuccessful in relationships. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I have huge issues with connecting and emotional intimacy. I put up walls no one can take down and sometimes unconsciously run people off. 

I know the bullying is why I have more male friends instead of female friends, and that in itself creates more problems. I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “She’s only hanging out with the guys because she’s trying to pick one up or get attention”. Unfortunately, there are also other accusations that I won’t repeat here, none of which are true.

I hate to say it, but I hear it from men and women. It’s mostly women, but I do hear it from the occasional man. What’s wrong with saying “She’s friends with men because they don’t stab her in the back” or “She’s friends with men because they call it like it is and don’t play games”?

And that brings up another question… Why do women treat each other like this? That’s one thing I will never understand either. I don’t think we all need to sit around the campfire and sing “Kumbaya”, but just show enough respect to your gender to not cut each other down, ladies!

I wonder if the bullies even know what they’ve done or even care. Most of them have mutual Facebook friends with me, so an occasional picture will surface of them and their happy family. Most have children in school now. Do their children have to deal with bullying? Do they have any concept of the pain they have brought upon my family and me?

THE UPSIDE

Having said all of these negative things, I do want to stress that I have had incredibly positive people in my life as well. We have a tendency to focus on the negative and indeed there are many choices for me on this subject, but I did have many positive teachers in my life. I even remember 2 fellow high school students who stood up for me. It took a lot of courage, but they did and I will never forget it.

I was given more love and support from my family than anyone I’ve ever known. I am so extremely blessed by who I have in my life. I can’t imagine how much pain I’ve put them thru, and I will never forgive myself or the bullies for that. That’s the part that makes me the angriest.

I started a community theatre to give younger folks opportunities and did my best to create a supportive and open environment. I did everything I could to discourage cliques, and I had a “zero tolerance policy” when it came to bullying. At times I think I was too tough perhaps, and unfortunately I think it made me seem mean and distant from folks. I guess everything has a consequence.

The pinup community has been so extremely supportive, and I can’t thank them enough. Because of them, for the first time last year I looked at a picture of myself and didn’t even recognize the beautiful woman staring back at me. I cried and cried when that same beautiful woman was published twice last year. I just wish I had found this lifestyle and community years ago.

I am able to play emotional and dark roles on stage with great honesty because I am able to channel what I’ve been through. Frankly, it’s wonderful therapy, and it’s an honor to bring some of these people to life from a very real and genuine place.

I continue to struggle, and I continue to heal. I’ve closed the theatre to concentrate on myself and my life, and it feels great. I sing, play the piano, get on stage, and get in front of a camera every chance I get. I also tour the country portraying Betty Grable, Marilyn Monroe, Nancy Sinatra, Jean Harlow, and other starlets for air shows and veterans’ events. Nothing gives me greater joy than getting to hug and kiss a veteran and say “thank you”. I’m holding a “welcome home” event for Vietnam veterans in September - standing up for some men and women who should NOT have been mistreated the way they were and who were victims of bullying themselves.

It’s not easy. I wish I had an answer as to “why”. It would help me immensely. And I wish there was something that I could do to help others going thru the same thing. Just saying “I made it, and you can, too” doesn’t seem like enough. If anyone has any ideas of what would actually work and make a difference, I’d love to hear them. And anyone out there who needs to talk to someone, please feel free to reach out to me. I probably won’t know the answers, but I can listen, give support, and tell you that you’re not the only one who’s been thru these things.

A great big THANK YOU to B. Sinclair and Bombshells Against Bullying for letting me tell my story. It’s helping me take a much-needed moment to grieve and ultimately allowing me to move forward. 

<3

Venus de Meow
www.Facebook.com/VenusdeMeow
www.BettyGrableLegs.com

11 notes

BULLYING FACT: Girl seek to inflict psychological pain on their victims, which hurts as much as, if not more than, physical attacks and has long-lasting effects.
BOMBSHELL FACT: SHE WAS A VICTIM.
Please stay tuned to hear her story&#8230;

BULLYING FACT: Girl seek to inflict psychological pain on their victims, which hurts as much as, if not more than, physical attacks and has long-lasting effects.

BOMBSHELL FACT: SHE WAS A VICTIM.

Please stay tuned to hear her story…

92 notes